What We Can and Can’t Say: Secret Thoughts!

So many fascinating things going on in the world. I truly believe the world is currently going through a great transition.  My writing life has been sporadic lately – coming in irregular bursts rather than the way I prefer it to happen: as a regular daily habit. But it doesn’t help to be down on myself. No more guilt about what I am or am not doing “right.”

Nevertheless, it would be a shame to forego writing during this phase of human history when amazing reality-shifting things are happening on a daily basis. I am reading a ton and then (horrors!) not writing about it. Of course, I also recently started a new job, a new exercise program, and a new diet — and all this making a living and taking care of your body stuff takes a huge amount of time and energy, especially when you also need your sleep.

My life stopped two years and one month ago when my son suddenly died at the age of 23. I didn’t care about doing anything, and to be honest, fully expected to follow him to the next world within a year. When I survived the first year I began to consider doing things again. At the 22-month mark, after an incredible period of spiritual discovery and growth, I came to the point I could begin to live what is left of my life again. That’s when I re-joined the Y and started the exercise program. As for writing, I guess I never really stopped doing that. However, during the post-loss period most of it was not fit for public consumption. I kind of have to write to live. Interestingly, even when I wanted to die, I somehow kept writing. I could no more stop writing than I could stop breathing.

What is writing to me? Writing is how I free my mind and also how I find out which parts of my mind are not free. Writing also helps me to see which parts of mind I am not comfortable sharing publicly. It makes me see that I am living a life in multiple dimensions. I used to feel a little guilty about this, like if I didn’t want to share all parts of myself, I was some kind of hypocrite; you know the old canard, “If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to be afraid of.”

Millions of people whose lives have been ruined or ended because they expressed thoughts not approved by whoever had power over them could tell you that canard is bullshit. Even if you are not necessarily going to get hauled off to a gulag for saying the wrong thing, almost every family, every community, and every social group, has unspoken rules that if you break or don’t agree with will get you banished.  Perhaps you get sustenance of various kinds from the group – food, companionship, love, shelter – you know the kinds of things you need to live as a human being. Maybe you want to think your thoughts out fully and freely before being cast out in cold. I say it’s better to think freely but secretly than to fail to think at all because you are afraid of the implications.

I myself am in little danger of being cast out of any group I am in, at least as far as I know. Still there are things outside the bounds of common discourse. A few months ago, I went to see a spiritual medium and contacted my son. It was a profound experience. It was him! I recognized his energy which I know well and he spoke to me about things only he would know. I felt happy for the first time since the day he left this world. I wanted to share the experience with the world. Everyone I shared with was polite, but I could tell some were put off. I haven’t heard from some of them since.

Another thing is I have realized is there is a good chance we live multiple lives. Yes, I’m talking about reincarnation. The continuing or real part of our life is where we go when we leave our bodies. When we die we remember it all and reunite with souls we have known forever. Our lives in this world are temporary episodes that we choose to live with the handicap of not remembering who we really are. Part of the challenge of this life is to find out which, if any, parts of your real life come back to you. Can you remember who you are and have been as a soul? Do you just have a feeling you know certain places and certain people? Were you born with strong attractions to some things and maybe aversions to other things?

I’ve read many books recently about lives between lives — people who are hypnotized and remember — and some who can confirm who they remember being in past lives. Two by Michael Newton, PH.D. are the gold standard in this genre: Life Between Lives and Journey of Souls. Although the idea of reincarnation goes against what I was taught to believe, I feel like it’s true though I don’t claim to actually know for sure. If I know anything, it’s that I don’t know much. But what I have read  makes sense to me and the evidence is convincing. I plan to explore this direction further but I generally find most of the people I know are closed and even threatened by this topic. So, I keep it to myself for the most part. (Of course, some people I know might be reading this blog. If you know me and are interested is this sort of thing, let me know. I won’t bring it up unless I know someone is interested and receptive.)

There is a lot happening in my life right now. I started this blog a couple years ago as a place to write mostly about current events. But since I don’t really have a blog just to write about what is going on in my life and whatever I feel like writing, I am going to use this one. I will still write about what is going on the world. I don’t feel like separating my life from the current state of the world I live in. Separation like that is exactly what I am trying to get away from: what is okay to talk about versus what is not.

Those in power have gotten away with a massive amount of plunder and damage to ordinary people because we (and they) separate personal life from public life. We live our little lives and let someone else make all the decisions about how our money is going to work and how much of it we get to keep and who is going to get the part we don’t get to keep. And we let someone else decide who is going to be our enemy and who we need to fight and kill. There are certain people and organizations who are more than happy to make all those decisions for us, and believe me, the decisions they make are not always, if ever, in our best interest. More to come.

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When a Baby Bird Shows Up in Your Living Room

Does anyone remember a certain children’s book called “Are You My Mother?” I may be dating myself but it was one of my favorites. Basically the plot is this lost baby bird poses the title question over and over to various animals and inanimate objects until he is reunited with his mother.

Well a baby bird, perhaps a descendent of the protagonist of this classic, came down my chimney today. Unfortunately, neither I nor my son was his mother. My son gently placed him outside in our front garden. After watching him flutter his wings and chirp for his mother for an hour I turned to the internet in search of baby bird expertise.

I discovered that Altons’ Keep Wild Bird Rescue was not too far from where I live. Thomas White, the proprietor of the operation, answered my phone call right away. He offered to send someone over to pick up the bird, but I said I’d drive over there. I put the bird in a soft cooler on a cushy towel nest, and headed over there. On the way, the little guy crawled out of the gap I left around the lid for air, and for the last three miles of the trip sat on top of the cooler in the passenger seat, chirping his little head off.

Thomas met me in the driveway wearing a t-shirt that said “Real Men Save Birds.” He identified our friend right away as a chimney swift and assured me he would be well care for. I went home feeling grateful that the bird is in good hands. Then I did a little research on birds.

Apparently, chimney swifts are pretty common in our region. I had no idea. I guess sometimes a critter has show up on my living room for me to find out his species exists. I learned a lot today. I learned I don’t know much about wildlife; I learned that there are wonderful people around who do; and I learned that if you don’t know how to take care of a lost baby bird it’s a good idea to find someone who does. They need specialized care. They need someone who knows how to be their mother.

If you want to check out what Thomas White and his team do for our feathered friends, here is their Facebook page:

https://m.facebook.com/pages/Altons-Keep-Wildbird-Rescue-and-Rehabilitation-Center/1280669132012062

Fledgling Chimney Swift

The Kingdom is Coming

Looks like we are in for it: the global war for the heart and soul of America, for the people of the world, for God’s kingdom and humanity and truth. It is hard to fathom the minds of those who seek to destroy things that are good, even the simple pleasures of existence as a human being on this beautiful planet that was made to provide the necessities of life abundantly. Where the haters and destroyers must live is unpleasant to contemplate. When I try to figure them out I feel the heat of hatred and the discord of the falseness.

Who is it that seeks to get rich and fat at the expense of other people? Who wishes people to suffer so that they can have nice things and hold on to power over others? Most of us have no desire for others to suffer but do maintain a certain protective barrier of indifference. It is unfortunate but I am not sure how I could live day to day without some degree of indifference. I know this is a great weakness.

But who would want to deliberately harm or kill the innocent so they can extend the period of time they live in their current body? Perhaps they are people who simply live in great fear of death. I am beginning to learn to love and forgive even the selfish, the exploitive, and the evil, because most often these lifestyle choices are driven by fear and ignorance. So many of us become entrapped in cycles and patterns of evil and we either don’t realize we are trapped or don’t know how to escape. But the evil, the lies, and the exploitation of the people has got to come to an end.

I ask God’s forgiveness and mercy for any particle of my mind or soul that is attracted to the dark side, that benefits from the dark side, or contributes so much as a teaspoon of energy to the dark side. I understand the impetus behind religious doctrines that become puritanical and start preaching separation from the things of this world that seem innocent, like dancing, wine, and Christmas. These spiritual people recognize how many things in this world is connected to an evil source and how easily we can be deceived and entrapped. They sincerely want to be pure. I recognize that bit of evil has leached into all that is human, starting with my own heart, and yet I do not want to separate myself from the simple pleasures of being human. To me that is, to use an old cliche, throwing the baby out with the bath water. I like dancing, wine, and Christmas, and think to give up what is good about our world is to be defeated by the darkness.

white flower march 2014
Photo by Aaron Apple,

God promises to transform me to a clean forgiven soul fit for His kingdom. If I can believe in that promise, I can walk fearlessly into any den of thieves or any dark alley. As long as my mind is fully aware of His truth, I ought to be able to watch a globalist propaganda TV show without getting sucked into he darkness. I ought to be able to bring my own light wherever I go, sufficient to brighten the darkest hallways of any haunted house or any attempt at mind control.

Dear Father in Heaven, please flip the switch and flood the whole earth with the light of truth. May your kingdom come and Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Isn’t it time?

The Greatest Movie Ever Made – And All of Us are In It

Judge for yourself whether or not you think this is true. I have been following the “Q” posts since October 31, 2017. They appear periodically on 8Chan (originally 4Chan) and claim to be inside intelligence from a person or group close to the President. They provide information about what is really going on behind the scenes, plans to counteract evil, upcoming events such as false flags, negotiations with supposedly hostile countries such as North Korea, etc. They also provide encouragement to those who had lost hope for this world.

Memorial Day: BBQ, Sadness, Flags on Graves, Reality

2C6C5E13-DD99-43B5-BC58-54E4ED0D950FI am working Memorial Day this year. Whether I am at work or taking the day off does not impact my ability to remember soldiers who have died. I think of the dead all the time. I know this day is set aside to think about a particular category of the dead and believe me, I do. But it’s almost impossible to think about anything according to prescribed rules. The mind wanders off the paved path and jumps fences into forbidden territory.

We have the strange ability, we humans, to think about what we are thinking about. On Memorial Day, what we are supposed to think is how heroic, how brave, how selfless were the men and women who went to war to fight for our freedom, keeping the bad guys from killing us or enslaving us without regard for their own lives. We are supposed to think this sort of thing and believe it without question or irony.

We are not supposed to ask whether the government had any business sending them to another country in the first place to die in combat or by accident or suicide or torture. We are not supposed to wonder how many of them really wanted to be there. We are not supposed to question whether they were all heroes. We are supposed to, as good appreciative citizens, leave our questions at the door if they have anything to do with politics, who got rich on the wars, or what a soldier’s motivations might have been.

My suspicion is that the motivations of many a soldier were pure and noble but that the motivations of those in power were far from either pure or noble. I have worked around military people for many years, and they are some of the most sincere, hardworking people I know. But I have observed that the military in general is not big on either questioning authority or deep self-reflection. There are exceptions of course, but the military’s existence kind of depends on enthusiastic acceptance of a given narrative and acting on it.

There are advantages to this approach to life. It is efficient. Things get done. Bombs get dropped, countries get invaded, statues get toppled, people get killed. You get to check a box and move on to the next objective on the list. Perhaps there is a little reflection about how the mission could have been done quicker and better, but no troubling about whether the mission should have been done at all. Too late for that.

Well, as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. And without a military attitude, it would not have been built at all. At some point you just have to say, “Rome was built.” What is, is and what was, was. Soldiers are dead at a young age. On Memorial Day, personal motivations and the morality of war are beside the point. Suspend your disbelief — or if you cannot, you can surely believe this: they went to war and some of them came back dead. Honor and remember. And if you like, take a moment to read the thoughts of a World War I soldier named John McCrae, who lived the thing we honor and remember. McCrae died of pneumonia near the end of the war.

In Flanders Fields

‘In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The Torch: be yours to hold it high!
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields’.

A few humble thoughts about police state style surveillance and the U.S. Constitution

This year is flying by rapidly and the news moves so lightning-fast that a huge event in February is ancient history in April. I am a regular working person with a full-time job who blogs as a side gig so I am a little behind on the news cycle. This post was written February 4th, a couple days after the release of Devin Nunes memo that revealed the FBI FISA warrant abuse.

My method is this: I write a first draft — in longhand in my special “first-draft” notebook. I let the first draft percolate several days and then write a second draft — in longhand in my special “second-draft” notebook. By the time I type it out and post it on my blog it is the third draft. It’s a process I’ve worked out over the years and I like it. It’s not efficient or expedient, but neither efficiency or expediency is high on my priority list right now. What is at the top on my priority list is getting closer to the truth about the world we live in.

* * * * * * * *

When assessing my reaction to the Nunes memo, which was released to the public Friday February 2, 2018, the first step is to figure out my comfort level with powerful government agencies that can spy on whichever American citizen they want for whatever purpose. Let me set aside for a moment whether the powerful agency can use fictional documents to get a warrant on you. Let me first consider whether I like the idea that highly-trained taxpayer-funded investigators can spy on me at will. Okay I have considered the issue: I don’t.

Before 9/11, perhaps most people found surveillance of the American people abhorrent. Then the shock and horror of the 9/11 event softened the mindset of the masses and made it easier for the government to sneak into our everyday activities. Some say this was the reason the event happened – or at least one of the reasons. Even it was not a planned inside job, they absolutely did jump on it as an opportunity to tighten the surveillance on us. So now, as revealed in 2013 (?) by Edward Snowden, they are always spying on us. This FISA surveillance of an individual is nothing more than taking the usual spying to a more focused level.

I looked up surveillance on Dictionary.com:

Surveillance: n. Close observation of a person or group, especially on under suspicion.

By that definition, we are all inherently under suspicion. What is it we are all under suspicion for? Likelihood of undermining some State agenda that we had no part if creating? Wanting to live according to our rights as human beings or maybe just the ones defined in the U.S. Bill of Rights? I don’t know — just a couple of wild guesses off the top of my head. If they were surveilling us just for our protection and to make sure we didn’t kill each other, maybe I could have some tolerance for it. But certain events, such as the Las Vegas massacre and other wiggly massacres, in which the FBI interviewed the supposed perpetrators kind of point to the idea that preservation of lives is not a priority of government law enforcers and secret agencies.

My initial reaction to the memo is anger albeit a sort of jaded anger because there is nothing in the memo that I did not strongly suspect. There was an abundance of evidence reported in both the mainstream and alternative media that the “dossier” was a sham piece of trash paid for by the Democratic National Committee and Hillary Clinton campaign (which according to Donna Brazil were one and the same thing). But I did not know the mundane details about who signed what form and how many times they renewed the warrant to surveille Carter Page.

My second, and more lasting reaction, is a sense of profound sadness that it has come to the point that we need a scrupulously drafted, legally precise document by a Congressional Intelligence Committee even to get some of the people concerned about a secret police force and what the secret police feel free to do. Maybe this memo will help me get motivated to really reflect hard on how a free country is supposed to operate. All my life I have been told I live in a free country, and now I see that I don’t and perhaps never have.

It would be a great idea to re-read the U.S. Constitution. As the real law of the land that all of our government officials swear to uphold, the U.S. constitution is, by definition, the way things are supposed to work in this country. My personal preference would be a completely free humanity, for of law, free to choose, and wise enough to choose the good. But even in such a world, the happiness of the human race would depend upon obedience to the highest law, God’s law of love, the law that holds all things together. I don’t think we have evolved to the level of consciousness that would make this level of freedom possible, so we still need to abide by the best and least restrictive man-made law we can come up with, and I don’t believe we have yet come up with any man-made law that is better than the U.S. Constitution.

It is troubling that we have been unable to live up to such a simple set of laws and have not been able to hold our elected officials accountable for upholding them. Maybe I will do a series of blog posts on different parts of the Constitution. Maybe there are things that should be changed or modernized but we are not in a good position to make such assessments until we thoroughly understand what it says, what concerns underlie each part, and what are the possible implications of changing it. The first step is understanding; the second is caring. Or more likely, understanding and caring are equally important.

We have a time-tested electoral system that enables us to elect a President in an orderly way that is as fair as possible to the various interests that exist under the flag of the United States of America. The vote of each legal U.S. voter is supposed to count. The FBI, the CIA, the NSA, or any of the other secret police agencies are not actually in the Constitution. They are, if they exist at all, supposed to be part of the executive branch, answerable to the President elected by the people using the electoral college system. As such, agencies like the FBI are supposed to be non-political law enforcement organizations.

Speaking of the executive branch, I was a bit shocked by the extent Barack H. Obama involved himself in the 2016 presidential campaign. Of course, I realize any President would be likely to support the candidate of his own political party; but to insult and ridicule the opposing candidate, to aggressively campaign as if your life depended on it for one candidate over the over seemed to me tacky, gauche, and unethical. The way he was throwing the weight of the most powerful office on earth around in favor of HRC was eye opening to say the least.

In my humble opinion, a fair election would let each candidate speak for his or her case and let the people make up our minds unhampered by noisy Presidents, pop starts, propaganda-driven media, and pastors all telling us who we should vote for. Who believes BHO supported HRC because he sincerely believed you and I would be better off with another President Clinton? Do you think he had some other reason? What do you think it was?

Questioning the mainstream narrative – and my list of favorite YouTube truth seekers

For much of my life, I have looked at each event as an isolated incident and not really pursued roots and causes, at least not aggressively. I did read a lot, and thought I was well educated, but I tended to accept the official or culturally accepted narratives for why things happen as they do. For example, on September 11, 2001 it never occurred to me to question the official narrative of the terrorist attack: the one that told us a bunch of Middle Eastern guys took flying lessons and then hi-jacked commercial planes and crashed them into buildings because they hated America. Whether or not that narrative is true, it is outlandish enough that looking back, I now find it shocking that it didn’t even occur to me to question its veracity. I never even asked obvious questions such as “Hey where was the United States Air Force?” I thought it was perfectly natural that the President of the United States happened to be innocently reading a story to third graders at the time. I trusted the authorities and swallowed that story hook, line, and sinker.

These days I have awakened enough to think about things more and question everything. Are there reasons for the things that happen or do things happen randomly without deeper meaning? I now tend to suspect there is at least a message in everything that happens, even in my personal life. A woman gives me a dirty look at Walmart, I slam on my breaks to avoid hitting a squirrel and someone honks, a house burns down a mile away, someone tries to break into a neighbor’s house, my car battery dies, my mother dies at 70 because of a blood disease she contracted during a hospital stay two decades earlier, my son dies at 23 for no apparent reason, my dog dies of lymphoma, a co-worker dies three days after a cancer diagnosis, I receive an award at work I don’t think I deserve, I receive a long letter from an old friend, a word I’ve never thought about before pops up three times in the same day. Some of these things profoundly change the course of my life forever; others wash over me almost unnoticed until I stop and reflect.

Other than the deaths of loved ones, my most vivid personal experiences are internal — mysterious inner promptings. Why do I suddenly have the intense urge to start writing again after a year-long dry spell? Or to do art? Why does my motivation ebb and flow? Why do I suddenly know things I shouldn’t know? Why did I have a terrifying premonition that my son was going to die in his sleep a week before he did? Why did my premonition not stop it from happening?

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Life is journey toward the light. Photo by me.

Nothing happens without a cause, but I cannot even usually detect the causes of my own decisions. Why do I almost never remember my dreams and then suddenly I have a vivid one that haunts me all day? I seem to exist in a tiny circle of light surrounded by fog. But I seek, I really do seek constantly, to make that circle larger, to see and know more, and in the last couple of years have begun to seek knowledge and truth on a more conscious level. My whole life is a detective novel and the mystery is who I am and why I am here.

One thing I know is that my personal mysteries exist within a much larger context. That’s why I am so fascinated by the news of the world. California is burning of wildfires and what are those pictures that look like blue laser beams from the sky? The emergency alert system tells people in Hawaii they are about to get hit with a missile and a few minutes later says “never-mind.” Nearly 1,000 people get shot in Las Vegas and 154 die — then some of the survivors suddenly die in bizarre ways in the days and weeks that follow. The news tells us that one crazy guy shot them all while a bunch of eye witnesses say there was shooting at all different locations. And then the story vanishes from the news. A young college student walks into a part at night and never returned and a week later they find his body. People in Arizona report strange light phenomena in the sky. A plane takes off from LAX to Tokyo and five hours later turns around over the Pacific Ocean and flies back to LAX. Official reason lame and makes no sense.

I like to watch YouTube videos created by people brave enough to to question the mainstream narratives and present their attempts to follow the threads and connect the dots. These people are frequently derided as “conspiracy nuts.” I see them as individual citizens doing their best with the resources they have to seek truth, and generous and interested enough to share their findings and ideas with the rest of us. They would not need to do this if the “official” world were honest, the media were trustworthy, justice was distributed equally, and the mainstream version of reality made sense.

For a long time, I thought reality was pretty much as presented on the news, in commercials, on TV shows, and as taught in school. If my personal reality did not quite match up with the TV version of reality, well that,use be a defect in my personal reality. Boy, was I brainwashed! I thought a bill on Capitol Hill went through a clean process until it became a law, and the law was good and made America a better place. I thought elections took place according to our time-tested election process and whoever won took office and did the job he or she was elected to do. I thought you went to school, studied hard, graduated from high school or junior college or college and got a good job according to your ability. You followed the rules because the rules were right and good; if you worked hard you got a nice car and got to live in a nice house in a good neighborhood with top-rated schools. Your kids grew up safe, healthy, and well educated.

For me, this model almost worked. But somewhere along the line the smooth façade of this narrative ripped and eventually shredded and fell to utter shreds. I began to question everything I thought was true. Years ago I was introduced to YouTube through my kids. During their teen years, they both learned marketable skills by watching videos. One learned to fix smartphones and one learned photography. So, curious, I started exploring art videos, and eventually – somehow stumbled upon the truth-tellers. I became fascinated by all the different versions of reality.

I should give credit to some of my favorite old writers who primed my mind for accepting different versions of reality. G.K. Chesterton and Albert Jay Nock are two delightful ones for the way they have of turning generally accepted “truth” on its head. And then Leo Tolstoy’s later Christian writings took my mind a radical step further. I think my reading prepared me to be receptive to the new ideas I found in these YouTube videos.

I gravitate toward the ones who seem most sincere and most motivated by a pure desire to seek and communicate truth. There is a great movement taking place right now, in which more and more people are joining through the power of the internet to share knowledge of the truth about our world. Some call it the great awakening. In a time like this, when the future of humanity is at stake, there is little room for self-aggrandizement.

I want to list a few of my favorite truth seekers here. Every day I discover new truth seekers and will share more as we go along. I don’t say that these people are right about every single thing – only that I think they are sincere in their quest for truth and I sense they are motivated by concern for the good of humanity. These are the kind of people who are quick to acknowledge any error they make. Those on my list are the ones I think are pretty good at discerning truth through research and reason.

I started the list with my favorite — Tracy Beanz, followed by my latest channel subscription, The Right Media, someone I just discovered today. Other than that, the channels are in no particular order. I have linked to the latest video as of the time of this writing (Sunday, Jan 14, 2018, 1:00 pm). If you want to check these people out, I’d look at their About link and scan their list of videos to get an idea of what they talk about. These are channels that mostly concentrate on current events. (There are others I really love who concentrate on history and spiritual matters. I will highlight those wonderful channels in another post.)

Favorite YouTube Truth-Seekers